Craziest Sh*t You’ve Ever Seen at a Music Festival
Summer festival season is upon us. In a year with over a dozen new festivals, many of us will be packing up our bags, SPF, tents, coolers, etc. to catch some of our favorite acts across the world in settings sometimes too close for comfort. Coachella heats up (literally) festival season tomorrow and I thought it would be a fitting time to post about crazy shit people have seen at festivals over the years.
Two sites have pages upon pages of rather unbelievable stories from festival experiences. For some hilarious hippie reads (IMO, the best ones), check out the forum on Jambase (thx Chris) and those of you heading out to Indio today and tomorrow can hopefully add some interesting stories to the Coachella thread. A few of the highlights from both threads are below. Get in there!
Feel free to leave your festival stories in the comments.
there was a guy in 2006 on monday who had fucking gone on a bad trip. He was a shirtless dude with long ass hair who was running around panting like a dog and he went up to this woman who was brushing her teeth by the showers and started well… I think fingering his ass, he was a good… i dont know 30 some odd ft away and we could only see his hand down his pants and after a while we saw him leap up into the trailer wall face first and then just fall out on the ground and he just you know… laid there.
Dude was at the top of the hill overlooking the stage. He had on a helmet and some padding and, after his friends has cleared a sizable area, starts doing huge, looping, head-first cartwheels down the steep, rocky, washed-out hill of Marvin’s Mountaintop. The first time I saw this I was obviously shocked that he lived; I mean, I could barely walk up and down the hill. It was kinda anticlimactic the second time around.
Funniest part is that, in 06, he walks back up the hill and says to the crowd,”You want rolls? I’ll give you rolls.” Classic.
I saw a girl sitting on the grass biting her toe nails.
“Dude” had filled a trash bag with empties and shoved it under our car. My friend started to kick the bag of cans out from under the car when wookie “dude” runs up shouting (with baloon still in mouth) “What are doing!!!?? That’s my best friend you’re kicking !!! I’ll fuck you up!!!”
As we frantically attempt to translate reality for “dude” the other people parked near us begin to return to their cars. One of them shouts “What the fuck!!!?? Why is there a dog locked in my car!!!?? I don’t have a dog. I don’t even have my keys”.
Right then the baloons ran out for wookie “dude” and he came to his senses. Our neighbors angerly asked “Do you know how that dog got in my car?” then walked away. Next, “dude” leaned over and whispered “Yo man don’t tell that guy, but ummmm, I think I may have locked that dog in there. I’m kinda fucked up and I thought the dog was lost so I put him in the car.”
Then those same calls of confusion started to come from all directions down the rows of cars: “What the fuck!!!?? Why is there a dog locked in my car!!!??” Dozens of people now had hippie tour dogs locked in their cars.
As I stumbled out of the row of cars, laughing my ass off, I could see dirty tour dogs jumping out of stranger cars in every direction. Apparently, while everyone was in the show, “dude” huffed baloons, got wookied, and took all the tour dogs on the lot and locked them in the first unlocked car he could find.
I walked in on a guy jacking off into what I think was a cinnamon roll. It was pretty disturbing.
The craziest shit I’ve seen so far was the swarm of bees that attacked during M.I.A. I ran out of there like George Costanza knocking old women and children over…I mean, I was clearing a path for everyone else!…uggh.
i camped and had to take a shit. This was sunday so i didnt have toilet paper and i was looking for a portapoty that had paper. I actually found one but it accidently fell inside. I was like fuck it, i picked it up and used the side that wasnt brown. The worst thing was that i didnt shower till monday morning that i got home.
We camped next to a group of four hotties. 1st night, one of ‘em asks if I want to smoke rock. She comes into my tent, yadda yadda yadda, she’s tossing my salad, it’s crazy. Whole tent is a fog. I’ve got about six tenths of this clean shard, swallow half. She licks my cack, sprinkles the rest on it, and tells me to f- her in the butt. I guess this is called “plunging”, but I always thought it was BS. Who does this? But here she is and she wants it. So, in it goes. She hollers, like, loudly. Then BAM! the tent fly zips open and two cops come in all hunched over with flashlights. They pull us apart, me with a chili dog. She’s laughing. I don’t know why. Maybe the shard hits fast that way. I yell something like “Whoa! Courtesy! Two fucking minutes!” The younger cop laughs. The tent smells like crack smoke and a little bit like poop. Turns out that these cops were using infrared goggles and could see us hitting the chubba through the wall of the tent. Well, by this time all they could find was one bowl and an empty baggy. I took a pee in the cop car. I got a lawyer on retainer for 5K. Don’t know about her.
at gastonbury, we heard people bonin’ inside the tents all nite. then we were tryin to creep and peep on them to see what’s up late at nite.
then waiting in line with hot chicks to go to the toilet then seeing them take a poo right next to you was kind of funny. then the rains came and washed away people’s belongings, tent , etc. that were downhill was sad. the people camping 15 feet away from the 30 toilets in the ground were the grossiest since that shit flooded and left a big stink and sick cesspool. saw the most drugs imaginable too, even young kids were doing them.