War Machine
*cracks neck* It’s been a while since I was last here. And certain individuals, whom shall remain nameless but happen to have a penchant for lewd acts and even lewder fashion, have been encouraging me to be a tad bit more vocal. I have decided to make them feel that they have a purpose after all…despite what evolution said to the contrary.
This blog is going to be a little different – a bit off the beat and path. Kinda what Borat looks like dancing. What am I babbling on about? A little time consumer that I have been involved in – it’s called Gears of War. For those who happen to have had their heads stuck in places that often haunt me in the darkness of night, it is a video game for the Xbox 360. Yeah, I still play video games. Yes, I have a wife. Any other mundane, irrelevant questions? No? Good.
The game is a violent, visceral thrill. Running around as part of what little remains of the human forces trying to save what little is left of the planet from a horde of FUGLY SOBs called the Locust Horde. And if they are ugly, they are at least 3 times as ornery. This is NOT a game for the young’uns. This is big people fun here. There are guns, guts, glory, gratuitous grossness, and an overall middle finger prominently displayed for politicians, slack-jawed parents, and whiny ninnies who have nothing better to do than to complain about America’s laziness and moral decay. I have a good time playing Gears of War and I recommend it. Why? The game is gorgeous – if you want to see what “next generation” graphics look like, take a gander. When you have tactfully picked your jaw up off the floor and wiped away the drool, try picking up the controller. *shakes head* I said pick up the controller after you wipe off the drool. The control scheme is tight and intuitive – left analog stick moves you around, right analog sticks lets you look around, right trigger does what, class? It shoots – it is called a trigger after all. The movement is fluid; the intensity ramped up. I play quite a few games, and I was violently violated more than once so far. It is dirty, mischievous fun…like watching your sister’s hot friends when they come to sleep over. Plus it relieves stress.
Life is pretty hectic as it is. We have lives, loved ones, responsibilities, occupations – we can all use some distraction every now and again. Some people have alcohol…some people have porn…I have killing monsters that are trying to kill me and anyone else within their reach. It keeps me happy – it keeps me level. And I think all of us need that. Where we find it is up to our own idiosyncratic nuances. Sometimes, I get that from music (I am planning on writing something about one of my new faves, Cobra Starship, soon). As I have recently gotten a device that allows me to listen to mp3s, I feel able to spend more time with music. And I have missed that. But when I get home after a hard day, I fire up the 360, grab my Lancer assault rifle with the chainsaw (yep, there’s a chainsaw ON on the gun!), and forget that I have a responsibility to be morally upstanding. And there’s nothing wrong with that.
