FRICTION NYC

Always in favor of exciting science and giving credit where credit is due, I was thrilled to see that the inventor of Neuticles won the prestigious Ig Nobel Prize for Medicine. Many of you know and love neuticles as much as I do but for those of you unfamiliar, from the official neuticle website, neuticles are a “revolutionary testicular implant procedure for pets… allowing your pet to retain his natural look, self esteem, and aids in the trauma associated with neutering.” Basically, silicone testicles surgically implanted after neutering. Since I recently had my puppy neutered, I was faced with the classic decision: To neuticle, or not to neuticle?

People really pretend that they do it for the dog as opposed to feeding their own hang-ups of needing to see their dogs hairy danglers. I guess unless the Rottweiler sitting in your Iroc has a huge sack, you’re less of a man. These aren’t just for dogs though. You can get neuticles for cats, horses, bulls or any other type of pet. Is it unethical to put the 5 inchers into a Chihuahua?

Neuticles are available in 3 models of varying firmness because we all know how important testicular firmness is to our pets and I hate when I’m feeling a dogs balls and they’re too soft or too hard. Thousands of people are paying from $73 to $329 for a pair of these. However, since my dog only had one ball drop, I figure one should do for him. He’d be just as confused to gain a nut as lose one after waking up. As for my decision on neuticles, though, Gilly’s deflated sack speaks for itself.

The Neuticle gift shop has t-shirts, keychains and necklaces of actual neuticles, bathrobes, and the book by the inventor, “Going, going…Nuts.” Just about everything on their website is funnier than anything that I could say. Some highlights:

With Neuticles - It’s like nothing ever changed! (The official slogan)

“Frodo never knew he lost anything and is just a happier little dog since he’s been neutered with Neuticles.”
Janell Suasser
San Lorenzo, CA

“A dog is like a kid- consideration for his feelings.”
Greg Samual
Fresno, CA

“Just call me a caring pet owner.”
Trish Fischer
Anchorage, Alaska