FRICTION NYC

I’ve recently been meeting a lot of new people lately and when greeting, I’ve noticed some variations in handshakes. So this week, Mr. Manners will attempt the seemingly simple, but surprisingly challenging task of breaking down the perfect handshake.

The handshake in everyday life has kind of lost its true meaning. Such a salutation originated in the action of two people (facing each other) grasping hands to demonstrate that each does not possess concealed weapons and intend no harm.

Today there are various handshakes that exist in our complex culture, but I intend to take it down to one (ok, maybe two) that should be properly practiced. The best approach is to look at what handshakes not to do:

Dead Fish
You despise receiving it and you hate when it happens to you, but the dead fish is always out there. This is a limp-wristed, soft handshake that feels like you’re squeezing a dead fish. Give this and you’re basically saying, “I’m weak, I lack confidence, and I have no masculinity.”

Preemptive Squeeze
Unfortunately practiced between some women, this involves an early grasp before the web of the thumb meets. Basically, you are squeezing fingers with your partner in a “Oh I don’t really want to touch you” sort of way. Seen frequently at tea parties in England.

Preacher’s Cup
This one involves shaking the hand while the other is cupped gently over the grasped hands. It is typically done while the other person leans in too close to your face and speaks gentle words of wisdom, making for an uncomfortable situation.

Politician’s Pump
This one is firm on the grip and extra firm on the pumping action. It’s usually accompanied by a grab of your forearm with the shakers other hand and a vigorous one-two pump. It’s in every politician’s repertoire.

Small Dick Shake (aka The Protein Shake)
You can see this one coming. Practiced by insecure meatheads everywhere, they work long and hard in the gym to build those forearms, just to squeeze the shit out of your hand while intentionally rolling your knuckles. Physically superior, mentally challenged.

So now that we’ve covered what not to do, let’s talk about what to do. Most business etiquette experts agree that there is one proper handshake:

The Perfect Handshake
Should be practiced by everyone, man or woman. It consists of standing squarely while making eye contact and reaching the hand out to meet the web of the thumbs first. This is followed by a firm grip with a pronounced downward snap (no more than a few pumps), ending in a clean release.

This is common practice but with today’s hip culture, you don’t want to be limited to one boring salutation. If you want any street cred, you’ve got to have at least one variation:

Gimme Five (aka Daps, Grips, Soul Shakes)
From gangs to neighborhood differences, everyone seems to have their own hand jive. I say leave those dancing fingers and slaps to middle school kids. All you need to know is the standard 1-2-3 combo: raising the arm out a little ‘side arm’ and coming in to meet the web of the thumb; once that hits, it’s a quick and firm squeeze followed by releasing the hand but keeping the thumbs together; and swinging into the ‘arm wrestling’ grasp; finally, release the thumbs and slide the hand back with the fingers outstretched; when the fingertips meet, curl them so that the final release will cause your fingers to snap back onto your palm while moving your hand back to hold the final form. This should all be done in a single fluid motion and with style. Sure we’ve all done it, but how many times do you really get a good 1-2-3 snap?!