Mr. Manners and other CU members will be heading out of town this weekend for a final beach extravaganza. Since I’m one of the few who has a car in this metropolis, I feel it would be fitting to talk about some rules of the road…road trip rules that is:
• Shotgun can be called by anyone, as many times as they want, BUT it can only be called when the car is in full sight by everyone. I don’t care if you’re a girl or you have freakishly long legs, that motherfucker beat you on call so quit crying.
• Once shotgun is called you still have the opportunity to get ahead of the rest by calling ‘window’ or ‘not bitch’. Of course we all know how much the bitch seat sucks total ass.
• Shotgun must never fall asleep and is required to navigate. He/She may have control of the stereo, but this may be overridden by the driver at anytime.
• On the way home, don’t just get in the car and fall asleep like a deadbeat. Bust out some of those old jokes and keep the driver awake.
• Singalongs are totally cool if you have a decent voice. Don’t front, you know Roxanne rules on the road.
• Always offer to pay for gas and for snacks. The driver is taking your monkey asses along and putting wear-and-tear on the car and this is the least you can do. With the prices the way they are today, you better believe you’re paying.
• You can eat as much jerky and slim jims as you want and throw those wrappers anywhere. But when you leave the car, your trash is your responsibility.
• If you fart, claim that shit. I hate when someone rips and doesn’t fess up. Be proud, it’s you’re mark.
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Addendum:If you’re having road colas, no hoisting your beverage at stop signs and red lights. It’s an unnecessary risk. Also, know your limitations. Don’t expect bathroom breaks just because you have a small bladder.
ps.-your canoe trip looked pretty kick-ass. Enjoy your extravaganza
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roadtrip rules, caveats:
1. when the car is already in view, you cannot call shotgun until the group of people involved has begun the physical act of moving toward the car to leave.
2. the driver of the car has shotgun veto power, but only in favor of significant others or in case of the wanton dereliction of shotgun duties.
3. i get to hold laverne. no matter where i sit.
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Ok… Beaker is the LAST person that should comment on shotgun rules… He calls shotgun like MONTHS before any roadtrip.
Laverne is free to roam as she pleases… Specially as she roams towards me. And you should not ever hold her ’cause you didn’t give her the Capital “L” treatment. bastard.
But the most important rule: Don’t spank it in the car even if you pass a SUV full of supermodels. That’s just foul.
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…We all know Laverne is heading toward Pablo just to get to James, so that rule only applies to me…
exception to the rule: dogs are allowed to fart with bragging because they eat dirt all day long and that shit will make anyone gassy.
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